Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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