I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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