I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
