your room smells of hookers.
And success
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
that is very illegal...i love you.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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