4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
