Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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