Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize