see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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