i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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