he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
