In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
