Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
