I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
