You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
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I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
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I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize