I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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