You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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