I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize