so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
