He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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