I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
