And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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