Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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