he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
it was like eating out sand paper
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
