You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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