last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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