The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
