i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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