No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
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u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
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Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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