No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
