I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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