i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
