Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
