My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
