singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
