Me too!
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
