Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
