No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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