pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
