Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Randomize
