I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
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There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
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HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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