So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
