You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
please come you make the beer taste better
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
