On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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