I think I am morally bankrupt
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots