After last night, I could never be a politician.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I could tell my life story through kermit memes