Texts From Last Night

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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?

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  (815): Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction? http://tfl.nu/2awn
  Replies (22) Good night (3584) Bad night (509)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.

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  (202): i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left. http://tfl.nu/4tq4
  Replies (10) Good night (1001) Bad night (2564)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...

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  (410): pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject... http://tfl.nu/bicl
  Replies (35) Good night (6790) Bad night (752)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...

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  (305): Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid... http://tfl.nu/f15q
  Replies (37) Good night (8471) Bad night (587)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?

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  (813): I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this? http://tfl.nu/o9lt
  Replies (37) Good night (13507) Bad night (1068)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives

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  (215): I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives http://tfl.nu/ehnp
  Replies (6) Good night (2020) Bad night (886)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs

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  (815): I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs http://tfl.nu/01af
  Replies (6) Good night (1719) Bad night (834)
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  (818): View more from California

  I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.

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  (818): I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha. http://tfl.nu/8wtq
  Replies (13) Good night (3409) Bad night (800)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(

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  (757): Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :( http://tfl.nu/ztju
  Replies (25) Good night (3455) Bad night (719)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.

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  (440): no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er. http://tfl.nu/c5u6
  Replies (4) Good night (904) Bad night (587)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.

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  (770): He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits. http://tfl.nu/4emx
  Replies (11) Good night (530) Bad night (1943)
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  (510): View more from California

  It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.

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  (510): It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me. http://tfl.nu/e2b3
  Replies (4) Good night (983) Bad night (426)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?

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  (814): Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids? http://tfl.nu/tder
  Replies (3) Good night (639) Bad night (337)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  My breasts were aching with rage.

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  (502): My breasts were aching with rage. http://tfl.nu/o5ig
  Replies (4) Good night (431) Bad night (261)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.

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  (505): So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused. http://tfl.nu/omzp
  Replies (1) Good night (278) Bad night (350)

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