I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
