i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It's shark week go big or go home
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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