Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(209): View more from California

I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.

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(209): I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans. http://tfl.nu/8x3v

Replies (8) Good night (832) Bad night (1330)
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(214): View more from Texas

apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......

(817): View more from Texas

told ya

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(214): apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back...... (817): told ya http://tfl.nu/csea

Replies (13) Good night (2758) Bad night (760)
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(678): View more from Georgia

all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.

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(678): all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night. http://tfl.nu/k3dk

Replies (15) Good night (907) Bad night (3100)
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(812): View more from Indiana

Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.

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(812): Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was. http://tfl.nu/nuhx

Replies (28) Good night (8819) Bad night (909)
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(971): View more from Oregon

We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...

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(971): We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable... http://tfl.nu/8m1y

Replies (12) Good night (3174) Bad night (1278)
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(914): View more from New York

my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.

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(914): my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person. http://tfl.nu/80cc

Replies (41) Good night (5855) Bad night (1081)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

then he tried to convert me to islam

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(203): then he tried to convert me to islam http://tfl.nu/h9gq

Replies (23) Good night (1556) Bad night (5163)
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(352): View more from Florida

She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.

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(352): She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject. http://tfl.nu/69m3

Replies (9) Good night (1563) Bad night (2395)
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(404): View more from Georgia

You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up

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(404): You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up http://tfl.nu/mf69

Replies (4) Good night (1072) Bad night (1769)
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(517): View more from Michigan

After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.

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(517): After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders. http://tfl.nu/u1xt

Replies (19) Good night (3112) Bad night (873)
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(434): View more from Virginia

I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.

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(434): I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME. http://tfl.nu/rn1v

Replies (12) Good night (2098) Bad night (945)
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(310): View more from California

Can we just ponder our lives for a second.

(818): View more from California

No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.

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(310): Can we just ponder our lives for a second. (818): No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles. http://tfl.nu/vtnc

Replies (8) Good night (2261) Bad night (970)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us

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(508): I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us http://tfl.nu/g48g

Replies (6) Good night (1121) Bad night (392)
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(720): View more from Colorado

I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis

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(720): I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis http://tfl.nu/evn6

Replies (2) Good night (296) Bad night (586)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking

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(+44): I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking http://tfl.nu/r15q

Replies (1) Good night (385) Bad night (189)

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