he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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