I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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