So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
