fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
