WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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