As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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