Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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