You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
