Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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