I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
