Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
