Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
