My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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