alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
