i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
