I wanna passion pit in your ass
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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