She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
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my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
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The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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